I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
