I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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