I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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