i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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