I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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