So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
