I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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