"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
