Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
