Umm I'm too high to move.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
