On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
