I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
