Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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