I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
