Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize