What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
