At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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