i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
