Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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