I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
