do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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