I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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