What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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