I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
