We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
