Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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