so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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