wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
