How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
