mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
