i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did i walk over a car last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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