fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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