all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
