I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
