u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
