? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
