Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love having hate sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
