we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
