So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
