so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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