whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
