Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
