It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
