i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
