i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize