how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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