On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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