Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
