My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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