I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
