when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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