I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
