You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
