Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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